Grief after losing an exotic pet, and why it can feel so lonely
Grieving an exotic pet is real grief, and it's often harder to share because fewer people understand the bond. In a large UK survey, 57.1%[1] of bereaved pet owners felt they had to hide their grief, and keepers of unusual animals often feel that pressure most.
By the Exotic Pet Cremation Services editorial team · Updated September 24, 2026 · 6 min read · Sources
- Why the loss of a small or unusual pet hits hard
- What to do with the routine and the empty enclosure
- Where exotic keepers find people who understand
The short answer
Why does losing an exotic pet hurt this much?
Because grief follows closeness, not species or size. Research comparing pet and human losses found that how close you felt to the one who died was by far the strongest predictor of how hard the grief would be[2]. A sugar glider who rode in your pocket for a decade, or a hedgehog you hand-fed through illness, can be as close a companion as any dog.
Exotic keeping also asks a lot of you. You learned temperatures, humidity, diets and body language that most vets only read about. You noticed the smallest changes because you had to. That daily attention is a form of love, and when it stops, the gap it leaves is large. Many owners are caught off guard: 66.9%[3] of respondents in one UK pet-loss survey were surprised by how intense their grief was.
Disenfranchised grief
Why does it feel like nobody takes this loss seriously?
Psychologists call it disenfranchised grief: a loss that other people don't recognize, so there's no card, no time off and no script for comforting you. Pet loss often falls into this category, and unusual pets even more so. A friend who would sit with you after a dog's death may not know what to say about a tarantula.
34.5%[4]
34.5% of bereaved pet owners were told 'it's just a pet'.
13.4%[5]
Only 13.4% of bereaved pet owners felt fully understood by others.
Those UK figures describe bereaved pet owners generally: a third had heard some version of "it's just a pet", and only a small minority felt fully understood by others. If you're grieving a frog or a scorpion, you may be bracing for a harsher version of that. It helps to remember that other people's lack of understanding says nothing about the size of your loss.
You don't need anyone's permission to miss an animal you knew better than anyone else did.
The daily gap
What do you do with the routine and the empty enclosure?
The routine is often what hurts first. Mixing a glider's evening meal, misting a vivarium, checking a hedgehog's heat lamp: your hands keep reaching for tasks that no longer exist. In the RSPCA survey, 72.6%[6] of bereaved owners said they lost their daily routine or sense of purpose. That's not a small side effect; it's part of the grief.
- There's no deadline for taking down the enclosure. Some people clear it the next day; others leave it for weeks. Both are fine.
- If you keep a bioactive setup, the plants and cleanup crew will need care, or a new home, for a while. Some keepers find that tending them is a gentle bridge.
- Save one thing before you clean. A hide, a branch, a piece of bedding or the last molt can become a keepsake later.
- Replace the time, not the animal, at first. A walk at the hour you'd have done the evening feed can soften the gap.
What was the hardest part of losing your pet?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
The ones left behind
How do you support the animals that are still with you?
Sugar gliders live in colonies, and a surviving glider may call, eat less or sleep more after losing a companion. Many keepers let the survivor sniff the body briefly before it's taken away, which some believe helps them understand the absence. Watch their food intake and weight closely for the next few weeks, and talk to your exotic vet if they seem to be declining. A lone glider will usually need a new companion eventually.
Other exotics are less social, but a death in a group, such as several axolotls or a hedgehog breeding setup, raises a practical question: was it something the others could catch? A necropsy can answer that and protect the animals you still have. It can also ease guilt, which we come to next. If you're still deciding about aftercare, the aftercare options comparison shows how a necropsy fits alongside cremation.
Free tool
Aftercare options compared
Compare private, communal and water cremation with burial on cost, timing and what comes home.
Should I have known?
Is it normal to feel guilty after an exotic pet dies?
Very. Many exotic pets are prey species, and they're built to hide weakness until they can't. A hedgehog that seemed fine on Tuesday and was gone on Thursday was very likely ill for much longer, in ways even an experienced vet might have missed. Keepers often replay every detail of the last weeks, looking for the moment they should have acted.
If you want answers, a necropsy or a frank conversation with your vet can help separate what was knowable from what wasn't. If your pet was euthanized, the decision may feel heavy too; our article on quality of life and saying goodbye explains why ending suffering is an act of care. It can also help to see the life as a whole: the pet age calculator puts your animal's age against the typical lifespan for its species, and many keepers find their pet lived a full life.
Free tool
Pet age & senior years calculator
Convert your pet's age and see when senior-care and planning conversations usually start.
Finding your people
Where can exotic keepers find people who understand?
Other keepers. The communities that helped you with husbandry questions, such as species forums, breeder groups, local reptile and invertebrate societies, or hedgehog and glider groups online, are full of people who have lost the same kind of animal. A short post saying your pet has died often brings a quiet, knowing kind of support that friends outside the hobby can't give.
- Your breeder or rescue, who may want to know and may share your grief.
- Your exotic vet's team, who knew your pet and often keep a list of pet-loss resources.
- Pet bereavement helplines and support groups, many free, for any species.
- A counselor who works with pet loss, if the grief is heavy or long-lasting.
Support can be hard to find: 56.7%[7] of bereaved owners in the UK survey couldn't find the support they needed. Keep looking; the right conversation often comes from an unexpected place. Our live poll results also show how other readers coped, which some people find reassuring.
What helped you most in the first weeks?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
Looking after yourself
When is it time to ask for more help with grief?
Grief comes in waves and can last months, which is normal. For a smaller group it becomes stuck. Researchers in the UK found that 7.5%[8] of adults whose main bereavement was a pet met the criteria for prolonged grief disorder, a rate close to that after losing a close friend. Signs include intense longing that isn't easing after many months, trouble functioning at work or home, or feeling life has lost its meaning.
If that sounds familiar, talk to your doctor or a counselor. It isn't an overreaction, and help works. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, contact a crisis line or emergency services straight away.
Prolonged grief is uncommon but real. A 2026 PLOS ONE study found 7.5% of UK adults grieving a pet met the criteria for prolonged grief disorder; applied to US pet cremation numbers, our estimate is that around 110,000 US owners a year may be in that group[9]. Free support exists: Cornell's Pet Loss Support Hotline is staffed by trained veterinary students, and Tufts runs a free helpline too. If practical decisions are still open, our services page and your local page can take some of that weight off.
Marking the loss
What small rituals suit a quiet, unusual loss?
A memorial doesn't need an audience. Planting something from the enclosure in the garden, framing a molt, keeping a few quills in a glass vial, or writing down what you learned about your animal's personality are all ways to say goodbye on your own terms. Our memorial ideas for exotic pets has more, matched to the kind of animal you kept.
If aftercare still needs deciding, you don't have to do it alone. Tell us about your pet and we'll email the options near you, so there's one less thing to research while you're grieving. Our resin and display memorials guide covers keeping your pet's form instead.
What would you most want to keep from your exotic pet?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
Reader polls
What would you choose?
Vote anonymously and see how other readers answered. The results are live counts from people who visit this site, so they show real opinions, not a scientific sample.
What would you most want to keep from your exotic pet?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
What was the hardest part of losing your pet?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
What helped you most in the first weeks?
Tap an answer to vote and see how others answered. Anonymous.
Questions people ask
Is it normal to grieve this much for a small exotic pet?
Yes. How much you grieve depends on how close you were, not on the animal's size or how common it is. Exotic keepers often spend more hands-on time with their pets than dog or cat owners do, and the daily care creates a deep bond. Many people are surprised by the strength of their grief; that surprise is common too.
How do I explain my grief to people who don't understand exotic pets?
You don't have to justify it. If you want to explain, describe the relationship rather than the species: how long you had them, what your days together looked like, what you'll miss. People understand routines and companionship even if they've never held a hedgehog. And lean on keepers who do understand, in person or online.
Should I get another sugar glider for my surviving glider?
Usually, yes, eventually. Sugar gliders are colony animals and a lone glider can become stressed or depressed. There's no need to rush while you're grieving, but watch the survivor's eating, weight and behavior closely, and ask your exotic vet for advice on timing and on introducing a new companion safely.
How long does grief for a pet last?
There's no set timeline. Many people feel the sharpest grief in the first weeks and a gradual easing over months, with harder days around anniversaries. Nearly a third of pet owners in one US study grieved for at least six months[10]. If grief isn't easing at all after many months, or is stopping you from functioning, it's worth talking to a professional.
Is it wrong to want a new exotic pet soon after a loss?
No. Some keepers find a new animal helps them heal, especially when they miss the daily routine of care. Others need a long break. The only real question is whether you're ready to give a new animal full attention as itself, rather than as a replacement. Take the time you need, and don't let other people's timelines decide for you.
Sources and our estimates
- [1] 57.1% felt they had to hide their grief after a pet died, and 57.8% perceive stigma around pet loss. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [2] A Death Studies paper comparing pet and human loss found closeness to the deceased was overwhelmingly the strongest predictor of grief severity, whatever the species. Europe PMC abstract — Eckerd, Barnett & Jett-Dias, 'Grief following pet and human loss: Closeness is key', Death Studies (2016), doi:10.1080/07481187.2016.1139014, 2016.
- [3] 66.9% of respondents were surprised by how intense their grief was after losing a pet. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [4] 34.5% of bereaved pet owners were told 'it's just a pet'. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [5] Only 13.4% of bereaved pet owners felt fully understood by others. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [6] After losing a pet, 72.6% lost their daily routine or sense of purpose, 69.8% had trouble concentrating and 65.9% had sleep problems. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [7] 56.7% of bereaved pet owners in the RSPCA survey could not find the support they needed. RSPCA — Pet Loss Survey Results, 2026.
- [8] 7.5% of UK adults whose bereavement was the death of a pet met criteria for prolonged grief disorder (PGD). Hyland et al., 'No pets allowed: Evidence that prolonged grief disorder can occur following the death of a pet', PLOS ONE (2026), 2026.
- [9] Each year about 110,000 U.S. pet owners may go on to meet prolonged grief disorder criteria after a pet dies. Our estimate: 1.5M pet cremations (proxy for pet deaths with an engaged owner) x 7.5% PGD rate. How we calculate.
- [10] A 2009 Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic study of 106 pet owners found nearly 1 in 3 grieved for at least six months. SHRM — Grieving a Pet's Death: Should Workers Get Time Off? (2016), 2009.
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